Dealing with Rude and Obnoxious Comments
Posted: Saturday, May 29, 2010
by Bruce Horst
WryteStuff
So you've labored away, penning your thoughts and articulating that great thesis you've had rolling around in your head for weeks. You've read it and re-read it over and over to make sure it doesn't contain any embarrassing grammatical or spelling gaffs. You have finally done it. Anyone who reads this masterpiece will understand you and understand you are indeed a very insightful person.
Then you see it. Your opus is there, but the very first comment states quite plainly, "This sucks! You suck!" If you've been writing online for any length of time, you've been there. We've all been there.
Yesterday a friend of mine pointed out an NPR article on the topic of what to do with over-the-top comments. I found it fascinating, and it inspired me to write about it this morning. It offers solutions which other web sites have put into practice, though it basically concludes there are no easy answers. You can read it here.
Is it necessary to disallow some comments?
You may wonder if it is even necessary to disallow some comments. Online forums usually call this moderation, and use the term moderator as the title for those who have the job to review and remove comments which are deemed too extreme. I like that term, much better than the term "censor" because who in this World likes to be censored?
The fact remains, though, that extreme comments attract extreme comments. If extreme comments were allowed on SearchWarp, discussions would quickly deteriorate into free-for-alls which only the meanest and the most hard-headed would prevail. This is a contradiction to what SearchWarp is about. Because of the inherent creative nature of a writing, a successful writers' community must offer some level of safety for those who practice their craft. Otherwise, no one would want to practice there writing skills publicly.
The Internet can be a nasty place. I often find myself telling people that there are plenty of places on the Internet that would welcome their nasty comments, but SearchWarp isn't one of them. Many have been attracted to SearchWarp because of our "be nice" policy. Unfortunately some of those people are bullies, looking for easy prey. Those are the ones that we bounce.
It's not easy trying to determine what should be allowed as part of a discussion, and what goes too far. Different people have wildly different definitions of this. We have to be comfortable with our own. One thing for sure, we will side with those who have an established reputation on SearchWarp nearly every time as we are leery of those who do not have a vested interest in the success of SearchWarp.
How should writers handle nasty comments?
It's hard for creative people to delete comments. We (as creative people) would like to believe that we can handle it. The problem is that nasty comments mean a whole lot more to us than they do to the person leaving the comment. If a person leaving a comment really wants to offer help in the form of criticism, they would not offer it publicly.
Let me repeat that: If a person leaving a comment really wants to offer help in the form of criticism, they would not offer it publicly.
Public criticism almost always has much more to do with the person leaving the criticism than it does for the person or thing being criticized. Public criticism is often a narcissistic endeavor, meant only for the person leaving the criticism to feel good about him or herself.
Knowing this, the best way to deal with nasty comments is to ignore them by either deleting them, responding with a cursory "Thank you very much for your comments!" or just letting them hang there with no response. Believe me, this will drive a narcissist crazy every time! (This also works with nasty emails, btw.)
It's not easy ignoring the critics. I don't know anyone who hasn't had to work at it. It doesn't give that instant satisfaction like a witty retort does, but in the long run you will see that it works every time.
In conclusion, I sincerely hope that you have found this helpful. We regularly receive criticism that we are too strict or too lenient in every direction, but we're pretty comfortable with where we're at. And we welcome your comments!
This Article has been viewed 1,965 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
More commentsHi John. I think your article is good advice. There are some articles that I don't like because I don't. So I either skip the article or rate it anyomously. Some I will comment on even if the subject doesn't interest me because I can see the effort or passion the writer has for the subject and drawn me into their life.I think if your going to critique a article...do so encourangly.
Bruce,I do appreciate you article. I have stop writing articles for a while, because people are nasty in their comments. But I am working on some new article. Thank you for your uplifting. I personally like to support any writers, I rather give them constructive criticism, to uplift them. Also I haven't use the report button which is a great idea. One reason I have enjoy to be in SW is because the way we are with each other. I do enjoy reading the article of many of my co-writers. I hope I haven't offend anybody with my comments.Thank you,
Bruce,
I am fairly new at this article writing business, but I too have experienced the narcissist at work. You have given us some great information here on how to handle them. Thank you so much, very helpful article.
Thanks for the information. Since I am a newbie to 'public' writing, I hope to learn from any advise I may get. There are ways to express opinions without disrespecting the author, yet, I am not naive either. I agree that it may be a challenge when the comments seem 'harsh' but we can't control what was written, we can only control how we react to them.
Bruce;Your article has taken my thoughts into so many directions that my brain hurts. The maze of thoughts driving my attempt to record the journey here in the comments box has left my fingers hurting as well.I've decided that, what started out to be a simple comment, will instead become the content for my first searchwarp article. Initiated by your article, and also on the topic of criticism, the article will cover how the idea of criticism effected me during the decision making process. Also, how it will no doubt impact my direction as a writer just coming out of the gate.Thanks Bruce, Mike
Well written and relevant article for many writers. In fact, online, we get different kind of people read our writing and feel different way. It means, people leave different kind of comments. As writers, we feel happy to see comments on out article, since, we feel appreciated by those readers.Nevertheless, when it comes to nasty comments, your suggestion works best to ignore those nasty ones. Perhaps, one may also write a creative reply to those comments. It works wonders sometimes.Sometimes, we receive totally irrelevant comments for a topic, it is better off deleting those disconnected comments.Thank your for sharing your thoughts.
Great article Bruce! The bottom line is when a writer chooses to publish his/her work, he chooses to put himself/herself on the line. However, it is very important when receiving feedback from others to be able to differentiate between those who offer constructive feedback and those who are put downers and success enemies.I haven't received a bad criticism in my almost a week search warp experience. However, I do have an article that was rated by 3 people and was given a 2.5 rate. The two people who were cared enough to comment on it, one of them gave me 5 out of 5 and the other one gave me 3. So, I guess the 3rd person who didn't bather to comment gave me a poor rating!I guess this is the way of put downers to escape search wrap's "be nice" policy. They simply don't comment but give the article a poor rating.So, I guess any clever writer should completely ignore his articles rating and just read the comments and only pay attention to the ones that offer valuable advise.At the end of the day, search warp is a small replica of real life. There is the good and the bad. We must learn to differentiate. That's it!
Greetings Bruce -Life is about boundaries - without them, havoc would be the result.Thank you for so politely expressing what makes sense.A friend gave me a quote years ago. It is "Don't let unjust treatment take you hostage."Eagles fly - turkeys are grounded.We love turkeys - we forgive turkeys - but we mount up with wings as eagles....Turkeys can become eagles but while the turkeys are grounded, eagles must press on to places of reason, and as you put it "civility."
Well in my experience when ever you ask someone to give their opinion, they will complain for no reason - why because they are selfish, unlike writers who have given their time and thoughts then they get unfounded comments on their article, this is wrong.
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Bruce,
One thing I've found and it bothers me, is when I make some constructive comments to a writer and they don't respond at all. If they want to dispute what I say, or some other response, fine. I end up (to salvage my own feelings) with the reasoning that it's their loss, not mine, other than the time I gave.
I suppose I should add, that if their response is to attack me personally (as one person on this site is wont to do), it illustrates their self-aggrandizing mostly. I feel sorry for them.
Ron
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