To my beloved son, Zach.
Posted: Sunday, November 13, 2011
by Bruce Horst
WryteStuff
This was originally posted in Sept. 2010 as a Facebook note, but I need to post it here:
To my beloved son, Zach.
When you were born I couldn't believe how much love a person could have for another. You liked to have your back scratched, so for years I would scratch your back by writing 'I-L-O-V-E-Y-O-U-Z-A-C-H-A-R-Y-!-!-!' on your back with my finger. I remember how you would giggle when I dotted the exclamation points.
It didn't take long to realize that you had the personality of your mother. This has always been ok with me. I'm crazy in love with your mother too, and I greatly appreciate her for her personality. I've tried to be careful to make sure you know that I'm fine with you and I having different personalities. I do think you get a lot of your creativity from me, and as an artist that's a key part of your personality. I can at least take credit for that.
Over the years your mother and I have done our best to prepare you for the World, knowing that our success meant that you were going to have to leave. We're ok with that. We're ok with that. We're ok with that. Sorry that I have to keep reminding myself that we're ok with that.
In many ways, you have been our great experiment. We have been determined that our goal was not to train you to be our equal, but rather we have always expected that you would go way beyond our accomplishments... that we would give you everything we have, and let you go on from there. Way beyond us. It's obvious that we've been successful at this.
When I was your age, I was already married and about to move across the country to Texas, but we were not nearly as prepared for life as you are now. I fully expect the day to come when we view each other as peers, and choose to be friends as equals. I've always thought that you were a good friend to others, and it would be an honor for me to have you consider me a friend.
For the past 20 years I've maintained that the bravest thing in the world for a man to do is to have children. Please forgive me for getting my sense of accomplishment in life from you and the rest of the family. I know it's an unfair pressure to put on you so I try not to talk about it, but if there's anything in life that states unequivocally "Bruce, you are a success," it's my family. And you make that statement for me loud and clear.
I've always thought of myself as your biggest fan. I know some day you'll have a wife and kids of your own and they'll be even bigger fans of yours. That's fine, I'll be happy to take a back seat when that time comes.
There will come a time in your life, if this time hasn't already come, when you realize that in many ways your mother and have I failed you. We openly accept that we're flawed. We wish we weren't, but it's true. When you fully come to understand this I hope that you still respect us. The fact is that we're just like you, and we're still learning. We hope and expect that we'll always be learning. There have already been times when you've taught us things. I hope that even when we're old we can still learn from you. In fact, we're planning on it! We prefer progress to retreat. I guess we've always been like that.
You are a natural-born leader. Your peers have always lined up behind you, trusting your leadership. I guess this is where I tell you to use your powers for good and not evil. I've never really thought that you'd use your leadership skills for evil, but they are an immense skill set that you have. And this skill set will be yours for the entirety of your life.
I expect you to go on to do unimaginably great things, Zach. I don't know whether or not you'll have fame or fortune, (though I suspect you'll have both) but where ever you go you should always know that your mother and I love you, approve of you, and are incredibly proud of you.
Love, Dad
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Top-level comments on this article: (7 total)Where there is "love" there is always greatness in things you do. Your kids are blessed to have wonderful parents like you and Jean.Thanks Hilda. The funny thing is that this is what comes most naturally to us.
A very inspiring message to your son BruceThanks, Dave. I read it often just to try to normalize my emotions.
I love this, especially the part where you mention that parents have faults and are still learning because I realize that I have faults.
This is so beautiful and you have covered every aspect of being a parent from love to letting go. What wonderful parents Zach has! I think every parent should write their child a letter!
Thanks, Fran. We've done everything we know to do, but still at some point we have to trust we've done enough. This has to be the hardest part!
This is incredibly beautiful, Bruce, and what an amazing letter for a son to read.Thanks, Jennifer. I think as a father there has to be regular intervals where I have to shove a stake in the ground and say, "You'll never retreat beyond this point!"
I never want my kids to question the approval of their father. I want them to understand that I love who they are and allow them to grow way beyond myself. That's why I've written this, and I hope it inspires others.
That's everything a child needs to know, right there. Absolutley nothing else I can add to that Bruce, you said it all, and said it well.
I feel the affirmation and written hug going from you to your son - you are very blessed to have each other!
Hebrew - Zachary - Meaning: The Lord remembers
What a lovely way to tell your son your proud of him and love him through an article, but you know what Bruce, you may bet he already knew.
Keep well
Kacy
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